the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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