dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize