the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
