I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
