you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
