i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
