Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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