That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
