Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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