I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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