Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize