I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
