Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
