Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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