Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
