I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize