In the future we'll all be gay
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
