Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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