i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
