we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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