I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
