New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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