Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
