I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
