just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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