New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
