hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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