You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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