apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
