it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
