he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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