Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
