When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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