all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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