so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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