Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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