Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
