And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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