is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
