Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
