I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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