Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
