you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
