It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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