i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
