belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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