Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize