Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
