I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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