fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
