I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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