i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
