can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
