why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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