You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
