Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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