i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
