Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
