How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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