my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
God, I missed his penis.
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