Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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