My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
