Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
