As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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