she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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