so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
