Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
