Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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