i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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