I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
