I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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