Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
don't judge my taste in strippers
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
