I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize