so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
