And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
