I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
