i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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