lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
