just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You were trust falling into bushes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
