My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
