I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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