all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
