I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
