Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
