I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
