Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize