apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
