its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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