I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
