I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
