isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
