i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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