tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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