I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
