I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
