i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
