I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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