Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
