Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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