Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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