Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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